What Life on The Road Taught Me About Love & Relationships
I had a client ask me, "How do I deepen my relationships, with friends, family, and lovers?" The message and advice that came to me was something that made me think about my own involvement with others. How do we use spirituality to maximize our moments and our relationships with other people? How do we learn to allow the space for others to come to us? Most importantly, when the time comes, how do we learn to let go?
Traveling all over the country for golf, I was constantly staying in host housing. Strangers who let me into their homes for a week. They would cook for me, stay up late talking to me, treating me like family in one of the most lonely and grueling times of my life. These people were my saviors on the road. When Sunday would roll around, I knew the fate that I would have to face. Sundays were the day I'd have to say goodbye to the people who started out as strangers and by the end of the week felt like family. Family that I would most likely never see again. I got used to feeling the tight squeeze of their hugs and seeing the sadness in their eyes at realizing that the week had come to an end. I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't break a little each time, but by Sunday evening I'd be in a new city, a new home, with a new family, ready to repeat the same cycle all over again, knowing very well that the next Sunday was only 7 days away.
Goodbyes are never easy, and when you say it enough you become a sort of expert at handling them. Knowing that people are put in your life for a reason, sometimes a season, and when the time comes to move on, knowing you gave all you could to the moments you spent with those people. Sundays were always a sad day for me, but not once did that keep me from giving myself fully to the people I'd be spending the next week with. So, I'd take the pain of goodbye, because the blessing and joys of the deep bond I had formed with these people were far greater than any sadness I could possibly feel. Call it, bittersweet.
My second year on the road, I went through my own heartbreak. Not wanting to let go of a failed relationship, which channeled its way into my performance, which in turn doubled the heartbreak when it came to my failed career goals. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, emotionally, but the silver lining was the lessons that I learned in that time period. The days that I felt good, were the days that I was around people, being fully present in that moment with whoever I was with at the time. Giving 100% of myself to whoever it is that is currently present with me. Nothing else could possibly exist in those moments.
The bad days, were days where I could be alone or with people and instead of focusing on my immediate surroundings. I would focus on the past. Memories. Wondering where someone is and what they are doing. Wonder why things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped for. It was this inability to let go, that kept me from living in the present moment and ultimately being happy in that present moment.
It's amazing to me how I could fearlessly give myself to these strangers and at the end of the week move on, feeling love and joy for having had the opportunity to experience these encounters. Yet, when it comes to relationships, why is it that letting go can never be that simple? Maybe, it's the expectations we set. Living in the future, instead of being present in the moment. Enjoying the time we have with that person and loving with our whole hearts, regardless of how long or short our time maybe with them. People can only match you, where you are at. If I would have had my guard up around these families, then chances are they would have done the same. Yes, moving to different homes week to week might have been easier, but It would have been far less fulfilling and my most precious moments on the road have everything to do with the relationship and people that crossed my path along the way.
Some people aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Some people are meant to teach us lessons. Lessons in heartbreak and lessons in love. Whether they are lovers or friends. All the many goodbyes I have had to say in my life taught me a whole lot about love, and how when we open ourselves up to experiencing these moments, being fully present, giving ourselves to others without expectations, there is never a shortage of love available to you. When we operate from a place of fear, people will match that. So, if you want deeper relationships and stronger bonds, only you can dictate how much you are willing to give of yourself, respecting how present others may choose to make themselves to you, and understanding that sometimes timing comes into play and people may not always have the capacity to match your energy. Knowing in these moments that sometimes it's best to walk away, trusting that if something is meant to be, it will be.
As much as we may want to, we can't control other people. We can't force others to make the decisions we'd like them to. What we can control is how present we are in each moment. How much we give to each moment. Are you giving your energy to the past? Or are you giving energy to the future? Neither one exist. Remember that when you feel hurt, or anxious. It does NOT exist. Only the feeling you've attached to that moment exists.
Nothing stays the same.
It can be one of the most heartbreaking truths, but there is also so much beauty in the fact that whatever hurt or sadness you may feel, won't last forever. So, if you are craving more meaningful relationships, stop taking people for granted when you have them right in front of you. Love like there is an expiration date. When the time comes, find the beauty in the time you spent and the experiences you were able to have with those people. Not only will you invite more love into your life, but it will give you a new sense of gratitude for the people who give themselves fully to you, but also how to recognize those who make the effort to find ways to stick around your life a little bit longer.
