Excuse the Mess…

Femininity…

How do we define The Feminine? and how have we been deceived by societal structures as to what we believe when it comes to certain gender roles that have been placed upon us?

These are some questions that have been weighing heavily on me lately.

At the beginning of the year, I hosted my very first online course. It was a 28-Day Manifestation Challenge geared towards helping people start their year off on the path to successfully manifesting their 2021 desires.

One thing I have learned when it comes to working with the Law of Attraction, is that you always get what you ask for. It’s just a matter of whether or not you are paying attention.

So, when we arrived at the final week of the course, during our Full Moon call, we chatted about blockages and what is currently blocking you from aligning with what it is you are looking to manifest?

And then someone asked me..

“Jen, what do you think is blocking you?”

Now, I could come up with a list of potential blockages, but the one I spouted out that night was…

“I’m Messy.”

I’m not talking emotionally messy…

I’m talking, my apartment is actually quite literally a mess.

If you were to walk in to my apartment on any given day, you’d see scattered clothes, unfinished art projects, and a dining table with an accumulation of things I have been working on throughout the week that I honestly can’t be bothered to organize.

You see, growing up I had two very tidy parents, a Father who to this day loves to “mess-shame” me, and a mother who harped that my external is a direct reflection of my internal.

So, naturally, I too developed shame around my mess.

It’s my dirty little secret that manifested into me not allowing people (especially men) to come into my home, because god forbid I reveal this apparent flaw in my character.

The ones I did allow to come over, was only after hours of me cleaning and hiding my mess in cabinets in closets (because it never went away, I just compartmentalized). I’d give them the old, “Oh, it’s messier than usual.” Lies. It’s the cleanest it’s been in weeks.

And every single one…always said the same…

“I think we need to do a little bit of re-organizing in here.”

oof the pain it would trigger.

I spent hours cleaning… HOURS!

Just to feel like that girl being mess shamed by her father all over again.

It just further affirmed my shame. This wasn’t even the real mess…and they’re already making comments….leading me to repress the mess even further.

So, when I said it out loud on the Zoom call, I knew…this is something I need to figure out.

like I said, you get what you ask for.

That week was not only one of my busiest, but to make matters worse I had two friends decide to drop in unexpectedly and a cleaning lady who was sick and couldn’t make it for my bi-weekly cleaning. (and yes, housekeeping was one of the first things I outsourced when I started making enough money. No shame in my game.)

I had no time to organize everything before their arrival, so I had to just start accepting that they were going to see my mess.

The Universe was directly confronting me with this shame and forcing me to face my fears.

Of course when I led with, “It’s really messy. No for real…it’s messy” I was greeted with oh it’s not that bad! Mine is worse!…relief.

As the next week came and went, with a still ill housekeeper, I knew this was The Universe forcing me to figure it out. I mean…I asked for it.

So, as I’m sitting in a Clubhouse room chatting with 7-figure coaches on how to improve productivity, I asked… “How do I stop being messy?”

“I clean, but within hours it’s messy again? how do I fix this?…help”

Their responses SHOCKED me.

It was along the lines of, “Girl, what do you mean? You’re a creative. Not only that, but you work at home. Of course your space is going to reflect all that energy that is being released…same thing happens to us.”

and then it all clicked.

In all my time spent working with bringing my Feminine & Masculine energies into balance, I’ve learned that the Masculine holds the space and the Feminine fills it up.

I notice this the most when I’m constructing a course, My Masculine energy is what holds the container, while my Feminine aspects goes in and fills it up.

Same thing happens with baby-making, the masculine plants the seed, while the feminine then expands, creates, and birth’s.

Femininity is chaos.

It’s our creative genius.

It takes a small seed of thought and turns it into creation.

When we blend in our more masculine aspects, we create a sort of controlled chaos.

As, someone who’s business relies on my ability to channel and create, the easiest thing I could do to block that creativity is take a break to clean and organize.

Somewhere in this societal structure, we’ve been taught that “women clean” but that’s not true…women, or “The Feminine” creates. The Masculine brings structure and order.

Therefore, when dealing with creatives it’s likely you’re going to encounter some level of chaos in their external world, because it’s from that chaos that they have the ability to harness and create.

If my focus were on cleaning and bringing order to my space, I would be working from The Masculine, which is not the ideal space for creation, rather the space to be in when taking action and building structures.

This journey is all about finding balance.

It’s about moving past these perceived flaws that society has taught us are shameful and wrong, and realizing that someone else's definition of success doesn’t have to be yours and vice-versa…your definition of success might not be someone else’s.

Perception is everything...

So, it’s time to own the mess and trust that when we learn to love and accept our flaws, other will be more inclined to do the same.

The Beauty Of Being Lost

I've always wondered what it'd be like to be a person with a clear vision of life. A person who has an idea of how they were going to live their life start to finish. Where they're going and how they are getting there. Sometimes, I get upset with myself that I'm not as rigid and strict with my life plans as others are. Sometimes, I feel like a mess. Sometimes, I feel very lost. 

Growing up, I've always been considered by those around me to be somewhat of an idealist. My head has always been in the clouds, and to be honest, I don't think it intends to come down any time soon. As I've gotten older and perhaps, wiser, I've also learned that it can be an insanely beautiful thing to be lost. I think the problem with life, that brings us pain and heartaches is believing that we've ever been or will be "found". 

When we are kids, we have dreams of being doctors, superheroes, movie stars, maybe even professional golfers. As children, we are taught that it's ok to dream. It's ok to believe you can be whatever you'd like to be. We are given the freedom to see the world with this wide-eyed innocence because we are too young and naive to know any better. So tell me, at what point does reality shift into this dark, dim, world lacking hope and happiness? At what point is it time to "grow up" or "figure it out"? I'm still pretty convinced the whole idea of figuring anything out in this lifetime, is pretty much a myth. See that's the thing. The people who you see, living their dreams, and being successful doing so...you might not believe this, but they never grew up from that childhood optimism. They never let those fears of society creep in on them, telling them they're not good enough, or that they were going to fail. 

Whenever I travel to a new city, I love to take a day to just get lost. Walk down streets I've never seen before, find cute little cafes that I probably would have never found if I yelped or googled my way around. Having traveled by myself quite a bit, I always find it funny when I travel with new people and the question is always, without fail..."Do you even know where we are going?" NO. I don't. That's the point. Because when you allow yourself to get lost, sometimes, that's when you stumble upon something you might have never expected. 

It's the same in life. Sometimes, you have to just know what it is you want, and instead of planning out the specifics, allow life to just guide you to it. Who knows, you might just happen upon something really great along the way. The idea of being lost to many, is very scary, but why? We live in a time where all the information in the world, is sitting right in our back pockets if we need it. Perhaps, the problem is that we are too connected. Instead of having that internal connection and communication with ourselves, we are so focused on what our externals are telling us to do and not following our hearts. Not pursuing the things that will make us happy, and letting other people's fears dictate how we live our lives.

I have never worked a 9-5 office job, and believe me, I never will. It's amazing to me how some people consider this as lacking hard work and dedication. Playing professional golf I spent 8-10 hours a day working on my game and my mind. I started this job, seriously, at the age of 12. Some of the things I am most grateful for golf teaching me is, how to navigate life by lessons I've learned on the course. Realizing that majority of the hard work and advancements we make in life are due to our thoughts and what we believe, vs. the time we spend putting in physical labor. If you are someone who thinks hard work is sacrifice, you are wrong, and probably not very happy. I'll tell you what hard work is...Hard work is waking up everyday and fighting the resistance you feel to live a life of conformity instead of pursuing what actually makes you happy. Fighting that voice of fear that tells you to just go get that 9-5, give up your weeks and your time to make a paycheck, it's not like this dream of yours is ever going to take off. Majority of my daily energy is spent telling that voice to FUCK OFF! Trusting is something that doesn't come easily, but if you are someone with a dream, let me tell you it's 20% action and 80% trust. Cause without that trust, you won't be seeing any action. Each time I feel tight or lost, I just trust that The Universe, God, whatever you choose to believe, has my f*cking back and let me tell you I have yet to be let down.  

When we set these crazy specific plans for how our lives are supposed to go, every time we hit a snag, we are immediately on the defense. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Baby, maybeeee it's happening for you? Silly, for you to think you have it figured out. Instead, when we allow ourselves to go with the flow of life, enjoying the journey rather than try to rush towards a destination we are greeted by beautiful and incredible experiences. Which, sometimes even come from those times we felt the most broken and lost. 

So yes, the truth is you are going to fail. You are going to be scared. You are going to get your heartbroken. There will be times where you feel extremely LOST, but just like those beautiful unknown city streets, allow yourself to take the time to wander through life. If you feel lost, maybe the answer you're looking for can be found in losing yourself a little bit more. You might end up finding something you never even knew you were looking for.    

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